IELTS Essay # 100 - Some people believe that for children, learning about the local history is more important than knowing the world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Hello readers,

For the 100^th essay I thought of approaching it a little differently than I’ve been doing for you. I have attempted to write an essay going beyond the score of 6.5 bands, but more importantly, I wanted to tell you the specific points that make an essay a high-scoring one. Every paragraph of this essay will be followed by remarks that highlight the scoring areas the examiner looks for.

But remember, just looking at these pointers is not enough. You have to practice, practice, practice until you feel you can independently use these tips, without referencing.

Essay # 100

Some people believe that for children, learning about the local history is more important than knowing the world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Intro. - The subject of history is vast and extensive, which is why some people may feel that children should be taught only about local history at first rather than history of the world. This essay shall disagree with this statement as learning about any kind of history is essential; it makes a person broad-minded and more aware.

Notice how the first sentence of the essay is a complex sentence (1 main clause + 1 subordinate/dependent clause). In IELTS, complex sentence structures really impress the examiner, if correctly used.

My advice: Try to make the first and last sentence of every paragraph a complex sentence. Also I have used a semi-colon (;), which shows the examiner my ability to use punctuation marks other than a comma (,) and a period (.).

Body 1 – Believing that knowledge of local history is enough for a child, is in one way limiting the child’s view regarding this world. There are some historical events of the world that need to be studied alongside local history to know about the complete picture of that period of time. For example, primary school history textbooks in India only reference the facts of the British rule in India – they do not include India’s involvement in World War 2 and its consequences thereafter. As a result, many people in India remain unaware of India even playing a role in the war. This proves that learning about local history familiarizes you with only incomplete facts.

Notice how the sentences are in continuation like a story. I used a complex topic sentence at the start – explained another point related to it - used an elaborate example from my own experience – and ended with a statement explaining how the example proves my points. I also used a new punctuation mark – a dash (–).

A paragraph written like this will fulfil the criteria of task response, grammatical range and accuracy and coherence and cohesion.

Body 2 – Today, globalization and migration is omnipresent, which justifies the need to know about world history even more. To interact with foreign students and colleagues effectively, it is important to know about their culture and its origins. There are body language gestures and etiquettes in a foreign land for example that differ from your own country. Being very vocal and flamboyant can be an acceptable and familiar behaviour in India, but it is considered very rude in a few European countries. Not knowing about their history here may lead to you offending the locals and having a hard time adjusting there.

Apart from the usual things that I did in the essay till now, I put a little more emphasis on the vocabulary in this paragraph (underlined words). This will fulfil my criteria for lexical resource.

Concl. – To conclude, I believe it is fundamental to learn local as well as world history as it bestows you with comprehensive knowledge of the past events and their links with one another. Also, it makes you more flexible and understanding towards other cultures and countries.

Again, usage of good vocabulary.

Notice how the conclusion is a summary of what I just wrote above. It is as simple as that! Just paraphrase and repeat the facts to close the topic like a pro!!

This essay is of 313 words, which is a bit above my preferred count. Nevertheless, the quality is what matters which is what I’ve tried to maintain.

Do let me know in the comments how helpful was this new method for me to continue doing it for you guys!